Pain of Regret
by bringmesomepie
Summary: It seems like pain and regret are your best friends, because everything you do leads to them...


Cas sat on hood of the Impala staring blankly at the general area where Sam and Dean were standing. Dean and Sam were standing shoulder to shoulder in black suits and tear stains on their face. They stood in front of John and Mary Winchester freshly buried graves in Stull Cemetery near Lawrence, Kansas.

The crowd of their close friends and family had gone. Jess was sitting in Sam's car with Maddi. Johnny took River and Ash to his and his girlfriend's hotel room, while Ethan and his roommate took Hayden and Elliot to their dorm, which Ethan went to KU. Sonny took Kayla out for dinner. Finley and his wife left to go to their hotel room, along with Aster and his fiancé.

Holly was overwhelmed with emotions and Charlie drove her to John and Mary's house. Wyatt and his fiancé Melissa were sitting in their car close to the Impala talking. They couldn't leave yet. Cas was the only one getting used to Wyatt being around, well, because he was the only one who knew he should be dead. He was also getting used to looking so young. Dean hadn't noticed, he wasn't supposed too.

That left Cas alone on the hood of the Impala. Tears fell down Cas's face just thinking about how John and Mary were dead because he couldn't handle losing his husband.

Cas watched as Sam and Dean walked over to their cars. They stopped right before they spilt off. Sam collided into Dean with a tight brotherly hug. Once they pulled away Dean gripped Sam's shoulders. They were close enough for Cas to hear. "We're going to be ok. They are in a better place now. Thing are going to get better, alright. We just have to keep our heads above water. We'll just keep our chins up and get through the day one step at the time."

Sam wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands. "Yeah. It's—" Sam's voice cracked. "It's what Mom and Dad would have wanted. They would want us to be happy and keep living."

Dean nodded and patted Sam's shoulder. "Exactly. Now go home and rest."

Sam nodded and walked over to his car. Once Sam was safely in and started the car Dean walked over to the Impala. Cas quickly slid off the hood and walked over to Dean and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

"I know." Dean mumbled into Cas's shoulder.

"No, you don't understand. This is all my fault." Cas cried.

Dean pulled away and stared at Cas with red, teary eyes. "What do you mean it your fault? They died in a car wreck. You couldn't control that. Don't blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault."

"It's still my fault. You wouldn't understand." Cas sobbed.

"How is a 18-wheeler falling on top of their car your fault?" Dean remarked.

Cas blinked. "Yeah, but I'm the one who called them to fly over to Sioux Falls."

"You did it because I was dying. You would be blaming Sam if it was him who called Mom and Dad?" Cas shook his head. "There's no way you could have known that would have happened."

Cas nodded. Dean started walking to the car. Cas got in the driver's seat. "You are right, Dean."

"Dam straight, I'm right. You can blame yourself for something that was n knowable or unavoidable."

Cas nodded and didn't look at Dean in the eyes and started the car.

*&^%$# #$%^&*&^%$# #$^&*&^%$#

"Dean? I'm home" Cas said setting his stuff on the counter. He didn't see Dean in the living room neither did he hear him. He walked upstairs and into their bedroom where he saw Dean sitting on a chair cured up in a ball looking out the window with a serious face on his face.

"Dean? Baby? What are you doing?"

Dean looked up at Cas. He didn't say anything. The stare made Cas uncomfortable and nervous. Something was really wrong. Dean looked back out the window.

"Come on, Dean. What's wrong? You can tell me." Cas said crouching in front of Dean. Dean shook his head and stayed silent. He wasn't even looking at Cas. "Did I do something wrong? Is everything ok?"

"How did I survive that heart attack? How am I alive?" Dean turned his head to look at Cas with a serious look Cas hadn't seen on Dean's face in years.

"What are you talking about? People survive heart attacks all the time."

"Not the one I had. I went back for my 6 month check up with Dr. Shurley. He says he doesn't understand how I am alive. He told me that I flat lined before getting the hospital. They gave me CPR for the whole 10 minute drive to the Hospital in the ambulance. They called it 15 minutes later at 7:30, 30 minutes later my heart's pumping like a piston."

"Dean, I can explain."

"Please, because I am at a total loss." Dean remarked. Cas looked down at his hands. "Cas, did I die?"

Cas couldn't looked Dean in the eyes. "Yes." Cas muttered.

He heard Dean's breathing hitch. "What'd you do?"

Cas felt tears bubble up in his eyes. "I brought you back."

"How?"

"I made a deal."

"You made a deal? How?"

"It doesn't matter. All that matters in that you are alive and well." Cas tried to cover up.

Dean quickly rose to his feet. "I need to clear my head."

"Dean…" Cas followed.

"No, Cas. I need to think…alone." Dean rushed out of the house. Dean ran down the street until he got to a small playground. He sat down on a bench and held his head in his hands.

"Trouble in paradise." Dean heard from a female voice. He looked up then to his side to find a dark brown haired woman.

"Depends on what you mean by paradise."

"Fight with the other half?" She asked.

"Not so much, actually. More like finding out something almost impossible." Dean smirked.

"Like almost dying?" the woman gave an example.

"Yeah, exactly." Dean raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing you know how I'm feeling?"

"Yeah, waking up from a 3 year coma and finding out that no one knew who you were and called you a Jane Doe gives you some experience. What happened to you?"

"I had a pretty severe heart attack a few months back. The doctors and paramedics even my brother said that I was dead, like no pulse dead, but 30 minutes after that pronounced me dead my heart monitor goes haywire and I'm alive and my heart was beating better than in ever had."

"That is crazy." The woman smirked.

Dean laughed. "I'm sorry, I don't even know you're name. I'm Dean.

"Ruby."


End file.
